Why is Communication Important in Parenting?

How did your parents communicate to you? Did you find they were open and honest with you? Did they project emotions that were out of your control onto you? Maybe they were unclear and didn’t explain things to you. Whatever your memories of childhood may be, the way our parents communicate with us shapes the way we communicate with others in the future. So, for your own children, you have a great opportunity to explore new skills and approaches to develop their communication skills in a safe and supportive environment.

The reason communication is important in parenting

Just like any behaviour, childhood is a period where people are incredible mouldable and open-minded – meaning they see interactions and situations as whole truths, their only experiences in the world. Because of this their understanding of certain styles of communication becomes shaped by their surroundings, and it can either help or hinder their communication in the future. This is why the relationship between child and caregiver is such an important part of a child’s growth. For parents working on developing their children’s skills, here are a few factors to consider.

Communication skills to consider

Two types of language

There are two general communication styles you can work with: the one that is heavily censored, designed to distinguish a child from adult and protect them from the real world, or the more autonomous, open style, which places children on the same level as adults and helps them communicate with other adults.

While managing certain aspects that your child doesn’t need to know – such as painful events or unsettling imagery – it’s important you are as transparent as possible and avoid the tendency to talk down to your child. Over time they will have to assimilate to a new style of communication, which may be a challenge.

When you can comfortably pair open language with careful styles you can start expanding on strategies and skills that can ensure children grow up with good self-esteem, have healthy relationships and can effectively communicate with all types of people.

  • Communication with others: Ensure you give your child plenty of practice communicating with others in their lives. Other children, older kids, adults and relatives can all help kids reflect on how they must adapt to different environments and help them safely explore their anxieties.
  • Transparent communication: If you are transparent you will give them the answers they might be craving. Kids want to know “why” so if you are ordering them around or want to discuss an issue, the more transparent you are the more your child will feel you trust them. 
  • Supportive and positive affirmation: We all see the negative, but openly discussing the positives will give your child more motivation to be better, and act with the right intentions. Negative punishment may only lead to children who act in fear and may have anxiety about authorities.

How poor communication impacts children

Just as good communication helps your child learn and grow, poor communication can lead to patterns of low self-esteem, issues with authority and issues at school and with peers.

  • No communication can leave your child anxious or with a lower self-esteem
  • Negative communication, annoyed or angry body language, may turn motivated children into fearful, avoidant children
  • Censored communication prevents children from adapting to adulthood
  • Limited social circles won’t allow children to see how people differ in their needs, wants and interests

Remember, while you are looking at the good outcomes of effective communication, it’s useful to recognise what styles aren’t working well and be flexible with adapting them to suit your child’s need. It may also help to discuss with your child what works for them, what they like, and what makes them feel anxious or stressed.

If you are looking for support in parenting, please reach out to Anglicare Victoria on 1800 809 722