When children exhibit challenging behaviour, our first response as parents and carers is to naturally become stressed. However, when we feel stressed, this can often come through in our response to the tantrum or meltdown, and have a negative effect.
Instead, we need to remain calm in order to create calm when our child is having a tantrum or experiencing a meltdown.
Here, Anglicare Victoria explains some of the ways we can manage tantrums and meltdowns, and the resources available for parents of neurodivergent children.
What is the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown?
To accurately explain how to manage tantrums and meltdowns, we first have to outline the difference between the two. While occasionally used interchangeably, in the neurodivergence space, there is a clear distinction between a tantrum and a meltdown.
The Autism Treatment Center of America explains the difference between the two here:
“The main difference between tantrums and meltdowns is that tantrums have a purpose and meltdowns are the result of sensory overload. A tantrum will usually stop when the child gets what s/he wants, changes his/her tactics, or when we respond differently to how we usually respond.”
How to manage tantrums
We all have our own parenting styles, but there are a few things we can all do when our child is having a tantrum:
- Speak slowly and in a low tone
- Stay with them or give them space, but don’t try to reason with them as this is often unproductive
- Be consistent when refusing to give in to demands – this way, the child learns that tantrums are not rewarded
- Paradoxical instructions can be helpful, e.g. “You can yell as loud as you like – we’re on the street and everybody is minding their own business”
- Comfort the child only once they’re calm
How to manage meltdowns
When managing meltdowns in neurodivergent children, we use similar (yet not exactly the same) techniques:
- Anticipate the meltdown. Many autistic people will show signs of experiencing meltdown before it happens; this is known as the rumble stage
- Calmly ask them if they’re OK, but don’t expect a response immediately
- Reduce the sensory overload. Ask people to move along and not to stare, turn off bright lights or turn off music if possible.
- Comfort the child after they’ve calmed down
Managing meltdowns and tantrums can be super challenging as a parent or carer. However, Anglicare Victoria has resources in place to assist Victorians struggling in these circumstances. ParentZone is a free-of-charge program for parents and carers, focussing on improving communication and relations between parents and children. With expert counsellors, we can implement long-lasting, positive change between parents and children. Get in touch with Anglicare Victoria and ask about our ParentZone program today.
